options

i just found you not so long time ago

i just found out that i barely can't touch you

if the opposite way happened, i know how it feels and i don't wanna lost good people i get along with

this curiosity is coming to an end

you have a beautiful soul and i'm just not good enough

closure for this answered options; 

Ada yang tak sempat tergambarkan oleh kata

Ketika kita berdua

Hanya aku yang bisa bertanya

Mungkinkah kau tahu jawabnya

Malam jadi saksinya

Kita berdua diantara kata

Yang tak terucap

Berharap waktu membawa keberanian

Untuk datang membawa jawaban

Mungkinkah kita ada kesempatan

Ucapkan janji takkan berpisah selamanya

 Berdua Saja // Payung Teduh

 

guten nacht

xoxo,

cx!

lagi lagi seuntai obrolan sedikit bermakna mengusik pikiran.
kali ini sebuah pertanyaan usang yang sebenarnya bukan pertama kali saya dengar. kurang lebih isinya:
"cik lo banyak kenalan, tp kok perasaan ga dpt yang nyangkut gitu sih?" dari si judey.

same old question, different situation. sebetulnya hati ini sering berfikir serupa makna. menurut saya jawabannya mungkin bisa berlarut-larut menjadi sebuah samudra tak berujung. ya ya, banyak denial. initinya satu, saya belum siap membuka organ berbentuk maya ini. selama belum ada seseorang yang membuat saya siap, akan terus seperti ini.

saya bukan tipe orang yang membiarkan sembarang orang masuk dan meluluhlantahkan dunia saya. sudah cukup pengalaman yang meninggalkan sesal disana sini. it wasnt that bad sih, but lets get it straight; we are not made for each other. i think our pieces come from different puzzle of life.

nah bahasan kedua ini ada hubungannya dengan pertanyaan di awal tadi. sesuai dengan percakapan sore ini bersama rifa. i hope you read it someday.

i cant take any further more about us. kalo kamu ga bisa lepas, akunya juga ga bisa gerak kemana-mana. sekarang aku yang selalu usaha buat ngikutin se fleksibel mungkin, i did and its done. udah ya, stop lah. ada beberapa hal di dunia ini yang ga bisa dipaksain. ada beberapa keinginan tiap orang yang sifatnya terlalu utopis. yang udah ya udah. we're over  i wanna walk in different path. please give me a hand by letting us go.

Paul Tiernan - How To Say Goodbye  
(ost Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist)

Living isn’t quite the same
You said to me, it’s runnin’ away
If you’re scared or tired of what you’re scared of
Why should you stay
You love to say goodbye
And always counted all the time
‘til he was free
to get up and leave
to learn how to breathe
again…

Slippin’ out to have a cigarette
with someone else that he’d never met
Ask her if by the way would you like to
run away and try to forget
Just not to stay
To leave without saying why

To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car and drive out again
To never come back this way
Left to say..

goodbye
so long
farewell
au revoir

next target: hometown!

hello, its midnite here.

and am gonna write for another depression here. ok, now i get the point, i write to release, to let go. am gonna letting go for stuffs that gave some bad affects to me.

first, past days i recognize what was my common mistake. what IS my common mistake. i keep my attention to details, and not for picturing the whole things. just like my mistake in recognizing it was keira knightley is the second daughter of mr. Bennet, the girl with black hair, and blue dress. the girl that have my dream future partner (read: mr. Darcy) mehehehehe. truth to be told yes, yes, i do remember how was the movie that good, the ambience, dialogues, but not for the important part as who's playing that role. huhuhuuhu am sorry rifaaaa

that leads to another main part of this post, about capturing the big picture of my life. huftness. tik tok, time goes by. tik tok, its almost a year. tik tok, i dont even know whom i used to trust in this kind of so called college area. i used to think "umm, i guess she/he's or they'r nice, we could be good friend" but noo, it doesnt turn out that way. i dont know why its so hard to find mates here. or i dont see the real condition-yet. i think its me who cant be the fine one for anybody, or atleast for myself though. lately i guess i prefer being myself instead of being a group of somepeople. i know this is bad, bad, for me. for the past version of mine. i even forget my closefriend birthday few days a-go, and suddenly another goodfriend of mine reminded me. and i was like, oh shee why i didnt regularly check my facebook? why? its how people remember birthdays dont they? didnt you? ok, now am feeling worse about me. am sorry, sorry :(

enough enough, i know am gonna regret this words by tomorrow. i need a cure, i need home. YEAH i dont care what you were saying about being home at this time, missed 3 day classes (which are equal 6 classes = 15 sks) i dont care, i dont really give a s or f about it. i need being home. i need being around with people whom i really trust and talk to them about something that i cant describe by writing. about how evil certain people can do harm to me, and i just can do nothing except accept it and enjoying it. (yes i write if for you, who never really count on me, left with those and not pulling me in, for some reasons i know u're gonna read THIS, feel bad about ur self because u are, left that angelic face, i know who the real u are)

kinda had hard slap there? yes. no one really count on me, or am not picturing the whole thing yet? mean time i just keep busying my mind with my mates (eng bem rif mb tan mb ri mas vi mas goz, etc,etc, hometown geng :'), next business project ( i count you as my kid, so u better grow up fine haha), RTC (marcommers, and all colleagues), BEM FE (yea i do really like-love people here, they are like my new familia esp birkom esti kak del jude sam evan) i dont know if these people think the same way as i do :P

WHAT NEXT, CX? HOMETOWN BREAK YEAAAAAAAH!!!

THE RAIN -AKON

The pressure's buildin' up

I feel like givin' up

How in the fuck am I

gonna back my first album up

Well everything has changed

It'll never be the same

Nobody know me

Then everybody knows my name

And I feel so ashamed

I never been the kinda nigga that would complain

But it's so crazy man

It's no different

Everyday it's just the same thing

Now it's been months out on the road

On tour doin' so many different shows

Head spinnin' feelin' like it's gonna explode

And I just wanna know

If anybody out there's feelin' me

I'm losin' my mind and I can't believe

I let this shit get the best of me

And now I gotta let ya know

One's got me insane

Cause I can't stand the rain

It's hitting my window pane

A little too much

And now I gotta let ya know

One's got my face in a frown

Cause I can't stand the sound

Of the thunder that's crashing down

Upon my house

Now I gotta let ya know

Now I got no more worries now

My pocket's fatter now

Look in the mirror my reflection looks different now

You're gettin' bigger

Akon you need to settle down

Why do I feel this way

Should I be happy

Should I just ignore

Everything I've been given

Please help me lord

It's all over but

I can't escape the rain

closure of sadness

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, never ever skip a day without saying this magical word ;)

so hows ur day, people? me doing gooood. college tastes like strawberry these days. pertama saya ucapkan selamat kepada ms. Anggita Widyananda Nugraha karena telah diterima menjadi staff psdm BEM FISIP UI 2012. satu lagi derap tegas memperluas jangkauan ketenaranmu, kepala suku! hahaha semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi manusia lainnya, serta memberi manfaat bagi dirimu sendiri yah eng :')

akhirnya masa-masa ini telah dimulai. masa ketika tiap helai dari rintisan kita mulai merajut asa. dengan kesibukan eng yang baru, rifa juga masuk di Green Community UI, woro dan mba tanti sedang menunggu kabar gembira lainnya. send my goodluck kisses trough my writing for my chicas here and there! :* :* :*

i know i know, kesempatan buat piknik ceria bakal berkurang mulai sekarang. it's a good sign meyb. let me try to read our faith, mungkin resolusi kita untuk menabung untung hingga penghujung tahun bakal tercapai YEEHAAAAAAAA! spread the positive thought guys. buat bemsky yang masih galau masa depan, stay focus and making the right decision, its not about anyone else but yourself!

selamat selamat dan selamat datang kehidupan kuliah yang sesungguhnya. saya sendiri alhamdulillah diberi kepercayaan untuk menjadi Kolega RTC UI FM 2012 divisi Marketing & Communication, salah satu divisi offair di radio kampus tercinta. sekarang sedang menjalani training buat menjalani hari-hari kedepan, semoga marcomm menjadi tim yang solid. i told you broadcast is fun with capital F-U-N! hihihi

sekarang sedang dalam masa penantian salah satu target yang lain nih. no more words come out. well, just like Andy said, get busy living or get busy trying..


see the progress!! am not the one who live full of sadness, now! haha! THIS IS IT, MY BLUE MOMENT IS DONE. i know i can make it trough the hard time, and so are YOU, anyone :)


This is another cute song by one of my favorite musician in Indonesia. definitely for rendezvous with friends :')

Back in the old days
Ballads of The cliche

Do you still remember when we used to chasing kite?
Once we ran trough the bushes and it hurt very much
But we didn’t cry that time
Though we laughed together how fool we were
It was a rainy February when I got this scar
When we climbed a mango tree to help a little kitten
Then I slipped my feet and then I fell
And my arms got bleed you took me home
When we got our new bike
We brought it to play in the park
We’re chasing one another restless
Until our mom come and shout
“Hey you two little bad boy, it’s already dark
Go home or you don’t get dinner for tonight”

And here we are sitting together
Telling stories we’ll always remember
Even we’re now much much older
Hope our friendship will last forever
Back in the old days, a happy time
Back in the old days, it’s always fun
Back in the old days, a happy time
Back in the old days, it’s always fun
Back in the old days

hello (again)

hey, is there anyone who's reading my post? anyone? i only ask for human not that something-bot blablabla like recently spamming in some blogs thingy.

yeah yeah yeah, i need extra, double extra, brave just to log in at my blogger account. the truth is i hate being here. i hate re-read my own post. i hate remembering all those memories. this blog contains too much pain and makes scars over my heart getting worse :''''(((((

the oxymoron part is i love blogging, and i feel kinda betray this blog if i create another. i love you, yess my limited reader, friends and virtual friends. i love the feeling when this blog got new follower, or comment. i know, named me a pervert.

i dont know if this is my last post or this is last-but-not-least-post. but for now yes, am living in Depok, i got one of my SHS dream to be a college student in Universitas Indonesia. Management major at Economic Faculty. alhamdulillah, this is just another step to build suddenly morning :" i know there are soo much barrier ahead. getting further from my besties and familia, massive homesick, and so on and so on. and there is no such a love story no more. i hope i do well at this, very very well. amiiinnn.

:')

work it harder, make it better. do it faster, make us stronger. // strongger - kanye west

this is why my life never been as good as heaven
this is why my life wont be as hell, well, as hell :P

im not goin to regret this (pointing to my self)
thats ok i had a super big fight with my family, while arguing with my boy. which is ended with cold war between us. and painfully migraine.

its fine because whatever happening down here, i know that we're fine anyway.
no matter how hurt it feels, i still believe that God's scenario never harmed us.

semuanya demi kebaikan
semoga cepat membaik dan,
semuanya kembali seperti yang semestinya, dalam hal kebaikan tentunya.

i love you mom, dad, my sister,
and you, sid.

Skipalong
Lenka

So tired of feeling blue.
such a heavy weight on you.
So shake it off and make your way
to somewhere different
Oh no now you’re leaving me
oh what will you do all alone
in the big bad world?
Im not worried, no.

Cause you’re gonna skip along,
Quite merrily, baby.
you’re gonna revel in hating
what’s goin' on
And you’re like a sugar bomb
and no harm will come,
no harm will come if you
just skip along.

Acting oblivious.
Comes natural to us.
Keep smiling knowing all the while
the world will fall apart

Wouldn't it be lovely to be home, home
safe and sound with no one round
to bring us down
but that's so far away

No harm will come if we just skip along

as long as the dog bark, until they barked

akhirnya kami pun tetap merayakan eksistensi JYCK di tahun keduannya.
hahahalaah. finally problem solved. yang kemarin buat pembelajaran. makanya harus ati ati.

kalo di recap 2taun ini kita sama sama idiot kok. mau2nya aja aku sama kamu yang sering bikin sakit ati, ga peka, dan ga pernah ngasih mawar merah. mau2nya aja kamu sama aku yang over sensitif, mutungan, ga pangerten sama situasi dan kondisi yang kadang ga pas. mau gimana lagi hlawong kita sama2 saling mencintai. (eh sumpah ya bahasaku njijiki) -____-

wis ah males aku ya bosen ngeblog cinta2an terus. serasa terinjeksi telenovela.


oiya males wi aku posting foto2 rawks. gede bgt ukuranya hampir 1terrabyte. lebey.


next issue : foto kaum ANSOR ft Mama Mrs. ANSOR yang cantik yang ganteng yang pinter main poker. ups.
(masih issue ya ini, jgn dipercaya dulu)


habis ini mau nonton kaset (bajakan) nya mita, Marie Antoniette. basi banget belom nonton film jaman Kirsten Dunts berdempul 50.000.000cm bedak. :P


so the song is...

If I Fell
THE BEATLES

If I fell in love with you

Would you promise to be true

And help me understand

Cos I've been in love before

And I found that love was more

Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you

I must be sure

From the very start

That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you oh please

Don't run and hide

If I love you too oh please

Don't hurt my pride like her

Cos I couldn't stand the pain

And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I

Would love to love you

And that she will cry

When she learns we are two

Cos I couldn't stand the pain

And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I

Would love to love you

And that she will cry

When she learns we are two

If I fell in love with you

cx!

and the rain fall down

this time i wanna speak up about my last event at SMA Negeri 1 Surakarta called RAWKS! (Rubric Of Artworks in Smansa) ok people stop. please its my turn to have speaker rite now :)

so i wont play hide and seek about the problems.

first and the most common mistake in any committees. lack of cooperation.

lack of coordination to get sponsors.

too high idealism.

and we seems didnt care about the others part. are they done yet, are they need any help. is that rite fellas?

ok, theres still a bunch of mistake that day.

but this is absolutely the most fatal. settle the payment before the obligations are fulfilled. ok thankyou we know who's takin the responsibility here but we're not going to blame you.

this is not your fault. you did a great job. we all did. but that fuckin great super duper wuper rain destroyed all of our imagination and hopes for this event. our teacher rite. mr. yoto rite. it was nature. divine. fate.

as the crew i wanna say sorry if you guys felt lose out for spending your IDR 8000 and your time, and missed that football event. indeed we're sorry too.

overall we did a great job. prepared fr the blast next august.


note : photos after this post (insya allah) .



you know what, i felt bored when write all of this sht. maybe you too. but its kinda hurt when heard all those backstabber.

die you biatch.

*ups*

song of the day :

Kiss The Pain Away
Hollywood Nobody

Let me come into the darkness of ur soul
Let me cure all the pain left from the past
Give me courage just to save ur wounded heart
Give it to me so i can touch the deepest side of ur lonely heart

Come on closer just give it a shot
I’ll never gonna ruin that beautiful thing inside
Come on closer just kiss the pain away
I’ll be ur cure and u’ll be my love

Bend it on me i’ll be okay
Our love drive me to the max
Give me your hand and u’ll see
How wonderful our feeling inside

cx !

---------crap-------------

dad, what are you doing now?
we all miss you ,dad. miss you damn much.
just come home.









to your wife and kids










to our family.













i and icha promise we'll be a good girl for ya. make mum and dad proud. trying hard to staying alive at school. even tough we're know that we cant be like'em who have a perfect life. we're just different. and we're already know that this is our bittersweet life.




just come home and everything will be fine.












sejak kapan dunia itu adil? hehe :P

Tutur Gelap - Pure Saturday

Terjebak satu impian

Yang selalu terngiang

Kuingin akhirnya nanti menjadi satu

Dan waktu akan kujelang

Biarkan mata terpejam

Sehingga akhirnya nanti menjadi satu

Kerasnya suara angin mengajak untuk bersama

Hingga tiba saat menjadi nyata

Dan waktu akan kujelang

Mentari bersinar terang

Dan mimpi pun usai

Berakhir sudah

Kerasnya suara angin

Mentari bersinar terang

Mengajakku untuk bersama

Hingga satnya…

Kuingin saatnya nanti semua menjadi satu

Hingga tiba saatnya semua menjadi nyata

Hingga tiba saatnya nanti

Menjadi satu

Menjadi nyata

*versi akustiknya mantep bgt