Sunday, April 1, 2012

next target: hometown!

hello, its midnite here.
and am gonna write for another depression here. ok, now i get the point, i write to release, to let go. am gonna letting go for stuffs that gave some bad affects to me.

first, past days i recognize what was my common mistake. what IS my common mistake. i keep my attention to details, and not for picturing the whole things. just like my mistake in recognizing it was keira knightley is the second daughter of mr. Bennet, the girl with black hair, and blue dress. the girl that have my dream future partner (read: mr. Darcy) mehehehehe. truth to be told yes, yes, i do remember how was the movie that good, the ambience, dialogues, but not for the important part as who's playing that role. huhuhuuhu am sorry rifaaaa

that leads to another main part of this post, about capturing the big picture of my life. huftness. tik tok, time goes by. tik tok, its almost a year. tik tok, i dont even know whom i used to trust in this kind of so called college area. i used to think "umm, i guess she/he's or they'r nice, we could be good friend" but noo, it doesnt turn out that way. i dont know why its so hard to find mates here. or i dont see the real condition-yet. i think its me who cant be the fine one for anybody, or atleast for myself though. lately i guess i prefer being myself instead of being a group of somepeople. i know this is bad, bad, for me. for the past version of mine. i even forget my closefriend birthday few days a-go, and suddenly another goodfriend of mine reminded me. and i was like, oh shee why i didnt regularly check my facebook? why? its how people remember birthdays dont they? didnt you? ok, now am feeling worse about me. am sorry, sorry :(

enough enough, i know am gonna regret this words by tomorrow. i need a cure, i need home. YEAH i dont care what you were saying about being home at this time, missed 3 day classes (which are equal 6 classes = 15 sks) i dont care, i dont really give a s or f about it. i need being home. i need being around with people whom i really trust and talk to them about something that i cant describe by writing. about how evil certain people can do harm to me, and i just can do nothing except accept it and enjoying it. (yes i write if for you, who never really count on me, left with those and not pulling me in, for some reasons i know u're gonna read THIS, feel bad about ur self because u are, left that angelic face, i know who the real u are)

kinda had hard slap there? yes. no one really count on me, or am not picturing the whole thing yet? mean time i just keep busying my mind with my mates (eng bem rif mb tan mb ri mas vi mas goz, etc,etc, hometown geng :'), next business project ( i count you as my kid, so u better grow up fine haha), RTC (marcommers, and all colleagues), BEM FE (yea i do really like-love people here, they are like my new familia esp birkom esti kak del jude sam evan) i dont know if these people think the same way as i do :P



The pressure's buildin' up
I feel like givin' up
How in the fuck am I
gonna back my first album up
Well everything has changed
It'll never be the same
Nobody know me
Then everybody knows my name
And I feel so ashamed
I never been the kinda nigga that would complain
But it's so crazy man
It's no different
Everyday it's just the same thing

Now it's been months out on the road
On tour doin' so many different shows
Head spinnin' feelin' like it's gonna explode
And I just wanna know
If anybody out there's feelin' me
I'm losin' my mind and I can't believe
I let this shit get the best of me
And now I gotta let ya know

One's got me insane
Cause I can't stand the rain
It's hitting my window pane
A little too much
And now I gotta let ya know
One's got my face in a frown
Cause I can't stand the sound
Of the thunder that's crashing down
Upon my house
Now I gotta let ya know

Now I got no more worries now
My pocket's fatter now
Look in the mirror my reflection looks different now
You're gettin' bigger
Akon you need to settle down
Why do I feel this way
Should I be happy
Should I just ignore
Everything I've been given
Please help me lord
It's all over but
I can't escape the rain

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part time bookworm nerdy as hell and hardly to find another safe-zone. the rest part is just between you and me.