lagi lagi seuntai obrolan sedikit bermakna mengusik pikiran.
kali ini sebuah pertanyaan usang yang sebenarnya bukan pertama kali saya dengar. kurang lebih isinya:
"cik lo banyak kenalan, tp kok perasaan ga dpt yang nyangkut gitu sih?" dari si judey.

same old question, different situation. sebetulnya hati ini sering berfikir serupa makna. menurut saya jawabannya mungkin bisa berlarut-larut menjadi sebuah samudra tak berujung. ya ya, banyak denial. initinya satu, saya belum siap membuka organ berbentuk maya ini. selama belum ada seseorang yang membuat saya siap, akan terus seperti ini.

saya bukan tipe orang yang membiarkan sembarang orang masuk dan meluluhlantahkan dunia saya. sudah cukup pengalaman yang meninggalkan sesal disana sini. it wasnt that bad sih, but lets get it straight; we are not made for each other. i think our pieces come from different puzzle of life.

nah bahasan kedua ini ada hubungannya dengan pertanyaan di awal tadi. sesuai dengan percakapan sore ini bersama rifa. i hope you read it someday.

i cant take any further more about us. kalo kamu ga bisa lepas, akunya juga ga bisa gerak kemana-mana. sekarang aku yang selalu usaha buat ngikutin se fleksibel mungkin, i did and its done. udah ya, stop lah. ada beberapa hal di dunia ini yang ga bisa dipaksain. ada beberapa keinginan tiap orang yang sifatnya terlalu utopis. yang udah ya udah. we're over  i wanna walk in different path. please give me a hand by letting us go.

Paul Tiernan - How To Say Goodbye  
(ost Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist)

Living isn’t quite the same
You said to me, it’s runnin’ away
If you’re scared or tired of what you’re scared of
Why should you stay
You love to say goodbye
And always counted all the time
‘til he was free
to get up and leave
to learn how to breathe
again…

Slippin’ out to have a cigarette
with someone else that he’d never met
Ask her if by the way would you like to
run away and try to forget
Just not to stay
To leave without saying why

To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car and drive out again
To never come back this way
Left to say..

goodbye
so long
farewell
au revoir

setidaknya harus bersyukur meskipun saya tidak mati kecil lagi hari ini. bahkan kantuk pun malas mendekati, apalagi hal lainnya yang sifatnya lebih berwarna. apakah tidak tidur 2malam berurutan itu normal? kalo untuk saya, jawabannya wajar untuk belakangan ini.

pernah sekali duakali membaca artikel yang isinya orang jenius itu biasanya tidurnya sebentar, mereka jarang dihinggap kantuk saat malam, karena pada saat itu lah otak dari raganya bekerja, saat itulah semesta menginspirasi.

hal itu lah yang mungkin memberi sugesti ke alam bawah sadar saya untuk mengikuti ritual mereka tanpa sengaja. entah mau dicoba menggunakan berbagai cara otak ini rasanya tidak mau berhenti memikirkan sesuatu, bahkan pada suatu ketika sama sekali tidak ada hal lain yang dibahas, kubunuh waktu untuk memikirkan hal-hal sepele seperti menyusun jadwal harian esok dari mulai mau pergi kemana, memakai baju apa, download film apa, main ke rumah siapa, yang pada akhirnya 75persen dari rencana awal tidak pernah berjalan dengan semestinya.

saking sadarnya di dini hari ini, akhirnya saya menyempatkan untuk menulis sebuah postingan yang (lagi-lagi) tak berjudul karena terlalu malas memikirkannya. bergembiralah manusia yang bisa tidur 6/7jam setiap malamnya..

oiya sedikit bercerita, kali ini kenyataan menampar saya. sangat telak meruntuhkan salah satu fondasi kepercayaan saya terhadap keberadaan. masih linglung, belum bisa berpikir jernih mengenai ini. sungguh hati ini terasa sakit sekali. melebihi patah hati.. tidak ada urusan hati untuk sekarang. ah, akan kupirkian jalan keluarnya nanti. (dan pada akhirnya 75persen dari rencana awal tidak pernah berjalan dengan semestinya.) lagi.



Ya Allah kuatkan hamba

next target: hometown!

hello, its midnite here.

and am gonna write for another depression here. ok, now i get the point, i write to release, to let go. am gonna letting go for stuffs that gave some bad affects to me.

first, past days i recognize what was my common mistake. what IS my common mistake. i keep my attention to details, and not for picturing the whole things. just like my mistake in recognizing it was keira knightley is the second daughter of mr. Bennet, the girl with black hair, and blue dress. the girl that have my dream future partner (read: mr. Darcy) mehehehehe. truth to be told yes, yes, i do remember how was the movie that good, the ambience, dialogues, but not for the important part as who's playing that role. huhuhuuhu am sorry rifaaaa

that leads to another main part of this post, about capturing the big picture of my life. huftness. tik tok, time goes by. tik tok, its almost a year. tik tok, i dont even know whom i used to trust in this kind of so called college area. i used to think "umm, i guess she/he's or they'r nice, we could be good friend" but noo, it doesnt turn out that way. i dont know why its so hard to find mates here. or i dont see the real condition-yet. i think its me who cant be the fine one for anybody, or atleast for myself though. lately i guess i prefer being myself instead of being a group of somepeople. i know this is bad, bad, for me. for the past version of mine. i even forget my closefriend birthday few days a-go, and suddenly another goodfriend of mine reminded me. and i was like, oh shee why i didnt regularly check my facebook? why? its how people remember birthdays dont they? didnt you? ok, now am feeling worse about me. am sorry, sorry :(

enough enough, i know am gonna regret this words by tomorrow. i need a cure, i need home. YEAH i dont care what you were saying about being home at this time, missed 3 day classes (which are equal 6 classes = 15 sks) i dont care, i dont really give a s or f about it. i need being home. i need being around with people whom i really trust and talk to them about something that i cant describe by writing. about how evil certain people can do harm to me, and i just can do nothing except accept it and enjoying it. (yes i write if for you, who never really count on me, left with those and not pulling me in, for some reasons i know u're gonna read THIS, feel bad about ur self because u are, left that angelic face, i know who the real u are)

kinda had hard slap there? yes. no one really count on me, or am not picturing the whole thing yet? mean time i just keep busying my mind with my mates (eng bem rif mb tan mb ri mas vi mas goz, etc,etc, hometown geng :'), next business project ( i count you as my kid, so u better grow up fine haha), RTC (marcommers, and all colleagues), BEM FE (yea i do really like-love people here, they are like my new familia esp birkom esti kak del jude sam evan) i dont know if these people think the same way as i do :P

WHAT NEXT, CX? HOMETOWN BREAK YEAAAAAAAH!!!

THE RAIN -AKON

The pressure's buildin' up

I feel like givin' up

How in the fuck am I

gonna back my first album up

Well everything has changed

It'll never be the same

Nobody know me

Then everybody knows my name

And I feel so ashamed

I never been the kinda nigga that would complain

But it's so crazy man

It's no different

Everyday it's just the same thing

Now it's been months out on the road

On tour doin' so many different shows

Head spinnin' feelin' like it's gonna explode

And I just wanna know

If anybody out there's feelin' me

I'm losin' my mind and I can't believe

I let this shit get the best of me

And now I gotta let ya know

One's got me insane

Cause I can't stand the rain

It's hitting my window pane

A little too much

And now I gotta let ya know

One's got my face in a frown

Cause I can't stand the sound

Of the thunder that's crashing down

Upon my house

Now I gotta let ya know

Now I got no more worries now

My pocket's fatter now

Look in the mirror my reflection looks different now

You're gettin' bigger

Akon you need to settle down

Why do I feel this way

Should I be happy

Should I just ignore

Everything I've been given

Please help me lord

It's all over but

I can't escape the rain

closure of sadness

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, never ever skip a day without saying this magical word ;)

so hows ur day, people? me doing gooood. college tastes like strawberry these days. pertama saya ucapkan selamat kepada ms. Anggita Widyananda Nugraha karena telah diterima menjadi staff psdm BEM FISIP UI 2012. satu lagi derap tegas memperluas jangkauan ketenaranmu, kepala suku! hahaha semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi manusia lainnya, serta memberi manfaat bagi dirimu sendiri yah eng :')

akhirnya masa-masa ini telah dimulai. masa ketika tiap helai dari rintisan kita mulai merajut asa. dengan kesibukan eng yang baru, rifa juga masuk di Green Community UI, woro dan mba tanti sedang menunggu kabar gembira lainnya. send my goodluck kisses trough my writing for my chicas here and there! :* :* :*

i know i know, kesempatan buat piknik ceria bakal berkurang mulai sekarang. it's a good sign meyb. let me try to read our faith, mungkin resolusi kita untuk menabung untung hingga penghujung tahun bakal tercapai YEEHAAAAAAAA! spread the positive thought guys. buat bemsky yang masih galau masa depan, stay focus and making the right decision, its not about anyone else but yourself!

selamat selamat dan selamat datang kehidupan kuliah yang sesungguhnya. saya sendiri alhamdulillah diberi kepercayaan untuk menjadi Kolega RTC UI FM 2012 divisi Marketing & Communication, salah satu divisi offair di radio kampus tercinta. sekarang sedang menjalani training buat menjalani hari-hari kedepan, semoga marcomm menjadi tim yang solid. i told you broadcast is fun with capital F-U-N! hihihi

sekarang sedang dalam masa penantian salah satu target yang lain nih. no more words come out. well, just like Andy said, get busy living or get busy trying..


see the progress!! am not the one who live full of sadness, now! haha! THIS IS IT, MY BLUE MOMENT IS DONE. i know i can make it trough the hard time, and so are YOU, anyone :)


This is another cute song by one of my favorite musician in Indonesia. definitely for rendezvous with friends :')

Back in the old days
Ballads of The cliche

Do you still remember when we used to chasing kite?
Once we ran trough the bushes and it hurt very much
But we didn’t cry that time
Though we laughed together how fool we were
It was a rainy February when I got this scar
When we climbed a mango tree to help a little kitten
Then I slipped my feet and then I fell
And my arms got bleed you took me home
When we got our new bike
We brought it to play in the park
We’re chasing one another restless
Until our mom come and shout
“Hey you two little bad boy, it’s already dark
Go home or you don’t get dinner for tonight”

And here we are sitting together
Telling stories we’ll always remember
Even we’re now much much older
Hope our friendship will last forever
Back in the old days, a happy time
Back in the old days, it’s always fun
Back in the old days, a happy time
Back in the old days, it’s always fun
Back in the old days